Broken Hopes, Broken Dreams, Broken People
by Ayumu Kasuga
Summary: UNLESS YOU DIDN'T READ FRUITS BASKET VOLUME 14, I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU DON'T READ THIS, UNLESS YOU WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YUKI'S PAST!


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Furuba.. so don't sue me. PLEASE!

**I decided to write this after I'd read volume 14 of the manga (and up to vol.19) If you haven't read it, I guess that there'd be spoilers in here. So unless you wanna know more about Yuki's past, I suggest you don't read this until you read volume 14 and after that.**

This little something is dedicated to **Candyland**, who's first words when I told her about it was "DO IT!" hahahaha..

* * *

"Akito-san. I've brought them." Those words were the very start of everything- the start of my own personal curse, and my damnation. 

"Yuki. Don't cough in front of the head of the family.." "Yuki. What are you crying for?" Yuki.. don't do this in front of the Head of the family- you could practically hear the capital 'H' in the title. Yuki.. don't do that in Akito's presence. Why did everybody have to criticize me for all that?

Did I _ask _to be born with the spirit of the Rat?

"It's about time you noticed, stupid- THAT EVERYBODY HATES THE RAT! NO ONE- NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!" I can still remember Akito's anguished gaze, the wooden brush splintering against the wall, black ink spilling onto the white rice-paper.

"..YOUR LIFE IS WORTHLESS!" How many times do I have to be reminded of all that? How many times to you have to scream about my 'worthless exsistence'?

"Everybody hates you." "Nobody needs you." Why does everybody dislike me? Why am I the one being loathed? I didn't WANT to be cursed- I didn't WANT to be the one carrying this load of hatred.

I remember the times when I was shunned and ignored. I remember all the times I'd met the other members of the Jyuunshi, but the reaction was always the same- even the cat's.

"I..will.. never forgive you. It's all the rat's fault! It's all YOUR fault! It would have been better if you'd NEVER EXSISTED!" And all this time I'd thought we had something in common- that nobody in the entire Sohma family really liked us. But I can only remember the times where Kagura, Momiji, Haru- even Shigure had joined in the fun of playing with you.

..While I'd stood there, wistfully watching your play.

I'd turned back to go back home, when I'd only seen Mother watching out the window.

..That was the only time she'd ever struck me.

"There won't ever be anybody to save you. After all, you're travelling down life on a pitch-black road. So don't fool yourself, thinking that somebody could really rescue you- because there won't be anybody like that. Not for you.."

"I hear that Yuki-san's parents are really living it up. Even though they're parents of possessed children, their child is the 'mouse'. You can even get allowances and positions!" The gossip, the lies, the rumors, and the endless, indifferent stares of servants and relatives alike.

What am I- some trophy? I'm nothing of the sort. God demands sacrifices. I was the sacrifice.

"Hey. Are you dying?" I wish I was.

So I'm only the sacrifical lamb- I'm the pitifully used nothing- the absolutely blank nothing that's been bought from my own parents.

How pathetic is that?

I can still feel the lashes of verbal abuse. I can still feel the whippings that Akito would give me. I can still see the darkness of that tiny room- and my own darkness.

Why won't they leave me alone? Why won't these flashes go away? WHY WON'T THESE MEMORIES LEAVE!

Frantically, hysterically, angrily, I begin to scream. Scream it out inside, until it's red, bloody, and raw inside. I can only scream until I collapse inside. That's the only thing I can do- I'm as helpless as Akito tells me I am. How incredibly pathetic is that?

What kind of person am I? I'm so full of contradictions- I want to try my best and live for tomorrow, when I already know what tomorrow will hold. I already know of the next pain I'll go through tomorrow- yet I live as if I anticipate the hope of finding out what tomorrow has in store for me. What an idiotic fool I am.

I understand Akito's need to be loved. I understand Akito's continuous verbal abuse. But I can't bring myself to lash out at other people like Akito.

Maybe that'll be the deciding factor. The fact that I can be somebody else, different that what everybody else expects me to be. The fact that even though I have more limits that most people- even more than the members of the Jyuunishi, hinders me, but I can always find some new way to escape my bonds. I can always find a new hope to keep me alive until the next dawn.

Isn't that a silly way for a cursed, damned, and abandoned person to think?

I know that I am one of those people- those who are made to be used, abused, and forgotten. One of those people who are made to be broken.

But you can always fix something that's broken right?

...like.. a doll.

Only, dolls are artificial beings that imitate living things.

Once they're broken, the healing process doesn't complete itself. All it does is make the broken area whole once more- but the scar never goes away. Once they're broken, they stay broken. You might not even know it was broken at first, but if you look closely , you'll see hairline cracks. I'm riddled with those cracks.

I don't even know if they'll ever go away..

Will they?

I don't know- I can only rely on the fact that tomorrow will always bring new things- even if I know what torment it will bring.

* * *

This was longer than I expected. Heh- it was only supposed to be something that was on Yuki's short thoughts and whatnot. But the ramblings of it sounded more like Ayame's talking more than anything else. Hopefully, I still managed to get some desperation in there.. and if I didn't, then still review and tell me what you think I should to do actually get rid of the babbling and portray the correct character. No, that is not an invitation to flame me. Nice try, though. 


End file.
